Meeja Hoors
Monday, March 29, 2004
Another week in the life of Thames Valley tossers
These are real quotes from real people working in the real stench of a Reading (well it’s quite near Reading) office. Remember – if your life is lacking direction you need only fill it with sport and inflated hyperbole
Rugby playing man describing his new diet:
“It’s the easiest diet in the world: eat like a pig, then run hard”
Inadequate man describing driving his new (well, second-hand) car... not his woman... at least I hope not:
“Took the beast out for a ride last night”
Describing who'd “get it” – the female singer from the popular beat-combo Black Eyed Peas was cited:
“Yeah she'd get it, she’s so street, you couldn't have her to the dinner table, but she'd be great in my bed”
Presumably her table manners are terrible
Rugby shirt-wearing Surrey man had a t-shirt delivered. It bore the legend:
“Stop dribbling – Quit Pussy footing around – Pick it up and run with it – Lesson One: The Ball. Always Rugby”
Serious game, zeeriurze players..
Rugby man describing his training session and inclusion into the first team for Saturday (there’s probably only one team anyway):
“My coach called me a god last night...”
Which big man upstairs I wonder? Zeus, Apollo, Allah?
Office compadre describing a lucky visit to the metropolis last night:
”I snogged a seriously good-looking girl last night. There have been lots of emails going around, I am the talk of London”
Has anyone heard anything?
See also Spreadsheet Cancer, our first Office blog
Rugby playing man describing his new diet:
“It’s the easiest diet in the world: eat like a pig, then run hard”
Inadequate man describing driving his new (well, second-hand) car... not his woman... at least I hope not:
“Took the beast out for a ride last night”
Describing who'd “get it” – the female singer from the popular beat-combo Black Eyed Peas was cited:
“Yeah she'd get it, she’s so street, you couldn't have her to the dinner table, but she'd be great in my bed”
Presumably her table manners are terrible
Rugby shirt-wearing Surrey man had a t-shirt delivered. It bore the legend:
“Stop dribbling – Quit Pussy footing around – Pick it up and run with it – Lesson One: The Ball. Always Rugby”
Serious game, zeeriurze players..
Rugby man describing his training session and inclusion into the first team for Saturday (there’s probably only one team anyway):
“My coach called me a god last night...”
Which big man upstairs I wonder? Zeus, Apollo, Allah?
Office compadre describing a lucky visit to the metropolis last night:
”I snogged a seriously good-looking girl last night. There have been lots of emails going around, I am the talk of London”
Has anyone heard anything?
See also Spreadsheet Cancer, our first Office blog
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Live coverage reviews:
Portsmouth v Arsenal FAC 6, 6 March; Manchester United v Porto, 9 March
As it became clear Arsenal would cruise through to the semis at Fratton Park, attention turned away from the pitch to the home faithful, who weirdly, defiantly chose to sing all the way through this abject humiliation, right up until Sheringham’s consolation in front of the Gooners. Barry Davies and Mark ‘Lawro’ Lawrenson were effusive in their praise of the good folk down on the south coast, as was Thierry Henry in post-match interview.
I have to take exception with this so-called marvellous support. Ok, so they clapped Henry (and Vieria) off, but earlier on had been baying after a rash lunge from the Frenchman and knocking out the racial epithets. Then there were the chants themselves – loads of renditions of their adapted Great Escape theme (perhaps mindful of England’s RU defeat a few hours earlier), endless Harry Redknapp's Blue & White Armies and the usual ‘friendly-aggressive’ southern supporter favourites. Alright Mush!
It all reeked of the ‘glory of flags’ in Morris-speech, of Little England posturing against Wenger’s Continentals even though a domestic cup tie should carry none of that import. And of course the opportunity to be seen and heard on prime-time national terrestrial was factored in among the bell-ringers and drum-beaters. Now I know we should never turn to football fans for enlightened reason, but to hear all this from a premiershite outfit seemed to me a sad demotion. If their performance on the pitch wasn’t bad enough, Pompey had regressed to become a provincial club on a big day out.
Up at Old Trafford, the red army’s persecution complex has been mounting ever since Rio Ferdinand got his harsh ban. It is now fully blown as (after the scuffle a few weeks ago when Scholes lamped Boro’s Doriva twice and got away with it) a few decisions have not been going their way: Saha clearly felled in the Fulham league game in front of the baying away end; Scholes clearly onside when he scored in this Porto game. Then Howard flapped, Costinha scored, manager Mourinho went mad, United were out. As Ferguson delivered the post-mortem there was some unsavoury background noise from crowd and players in direction of officials/opponents, not that it would ever be commented upon. Garish Neville followed, unusually bearish and realistic in his summary. After all, a club of their size and ambition should have delivered more than the one euro gong for all their domestic domination.
Through dodgy decisions or the triumphant posturing and running of the Porto manager, diminution of the fans’ and team’s hubris at OT will do them no harm. Whether this translates to MU spokesman (sorry, unbiased ITV commentator) Clive Tyldsley, who was united with Big Ron and P. Neville in saying the latter’s clear push for the fateful free-kick was legal, is another matter.
The Hampshire Muncher
Cliché-free Reviews Inc
Portsmouth v Arsenal FAC 6, 6 March; Manchester United v Porto, 9 March
As it became clear Arsenal would cruise through to the semis at Fratton Park, attention turned away from the pitch to the home faithful, who weirdly, defiantly chose to sing all the way through this abject humiliation, right up until Sheringham’s consolation in front of the Gooners. Barry Davies and Mark ‘Lawro’ Lawrenson were effusive in their praise of the good folk down on the south coast, as was Thierry Henry in post-match interview.
I have to take exception with this so-called marvellous support. Ok, so they clapped Henry (and Vieria) off, but earlier on had been baying after a rash lunge from the Frenchman and knocking out the racial epithets. Then there were the chants themselves – loads of renditions of their adapted Great Escape theme (perhaps mindful of England’s RU defeat a few hours earlier), endless Harry Redknapp's Blue & White Armies and the usual ‘friendly-aggressive’ southern supporter favourites. Alright Mush!
It all reeked of the ‘glory of flags’ in Morris-speech, of Little England posturing against Wenger’s Continentals even though a domestic cup tie should carry none of that import. And of course the opportunity to be seen and heard on prime-time national terrestrial was factored in among the bell-ringers and drum-beaters. Now I know we should never turn to football fans for enlightened reason, but to hear all this from a premiershite outfit seemed to me a sad demotion. If their performance on the pitch wasn’t bad enough, Pompey had regressed to become a provincial club on a big day out.
Up at Old Trafford, the red army’s persecution complex has been mounting ever since Rio Ferdinand got his harsh ban. It is now fully blown as (after the scuffle a few weeks ago when Scholes lamped Boro’s Doriva twice and got away with it) a few decisions have not been going their way: Saha clearly felled in the Fulham league game in front of the baying away end; Scholes clearly onside when he scored in this Porto game. Then Howard flapped, Costinha scored, manager Mourinho went mad, United were out. As Ferguson delivered the post-mortem there was some unsavoury background noise from crowd and players in direction of officials/opponents, not that it would ever be commented upon. Garish Neville followed, unusually bearish and realistic in his summary. After all, a club of their size and ambition should have delivered more than the one euro gong for all their domestic domination.
Through dodgy decisions or the triumphant posturing and running of the Porto manager, diminution of the fans’ and team’s hubris at OT will do them no harm. Whether this translates to MU spokesman (sorry, unbiased ITV commentator) Clive Tyldsley, who was united with Big Ron and P. Neville in saying the latter’s clear push for the fateful free-kick was legal, is another matter.
The Hampshire Muncher
Cliché-free Reviews Inc
Thursday, March 04, 2004
'Offline' debut succeeds in spite of hitches
Screening: Big Noise Tactical crew’s The Fourth World War
By Indymedia
Upstairs Bar
Ritzy Cinema, Brixton
2 March
International free news website Indymedia’s inaugural free screening did not start too well. They underestimated the interest. So we waited, hearing mumbled introductions in the interim while watching bits and pieces of continental creative thieves’ Yomango’s doc, as things were rearranged. When the film finally got started, the screen turned out to be too small for the film’s projection. So unless you had considerable knowledge of Spanish, Zulu and Korean, or could read text off people’s heads, you were made to second-guess a lot of the subtitled passages.
Yet from Argentine anti-IMF riots, protests in South Africa against the new (same as the old) regime and revolts in Mexico’s Chiapas province to the brutal suppression of Changyong demos in South Korea and Carabinieri aggression during the Genoa G8 talks –WW4’s marriage of footage, music and talking heads carried undeniable power in places. The message – a war without a distinct enemy or a logical end is being waged by the powers that be – was familiar. (Necessarily) juddery frontline camerawork interspersed with low-fi digital touches, while emotive beats from the likes of Gotan Project, Nonplace Urban Field and more politicised music from the likes of ADF added to the melee.
Footage of the Jenin massacre would appall most people with souls, though the narrators seemed unaware of the irony of juxtaposing the undeveloped occupied West Bank with the rest in what was primarily an anti-globalisation piece (it’s all struggle). Thereafter it was only a matter of time before 9/11 got its mention. Again, this was straying off the path somewhat, but only a fool would say that there were no links at all between the War on Terror and the causes and effects of western-led globalisation.
Elsewhere, the narratives (by Suheir Hammad and Spearhead’s Franti) sometimes seemed self-righteous, glib and pontificatory, adding little to what we already knew. Occasionally irrelevant words in big type flashed across the screen. Both were bad counterpoints to the effective and inspiring footage. Yet as much as the resistance movements were impressive, their resultant forced repressions left you thinking that considerably better – and militarised – organisation is necessary to beat brutal security and institutions such as the IMF and World Bank.
The Indymedia movement is in its infancy but is a viable and valid alternative to the compromised media organs obliged (either by public service broadcasting responsibilities or shareholders/owners with direct stakes in the (present) political system) to dilute the fetid schizophrenia of modern government and dress it up as kind-hearted policy that is ‘all about’ being modern and other nebulous concepts that evade ideological description.
As with most things progressive, Indymedia’s roots lie in the punk-ish DIY concept adopted by the anti-globalisation movement. This may, initially, result in a narrow news agenda and easy accusations of being over-earnest or (as the UK's foremost media molester Alistair Campbell would no doubt contend) self-righteous, but the provision and dissemination of information from non-corporate sponsored sources is absolutely vital, if only for the purposes of contrast with the slick, coiffeured, air-buffed, coverage that major news channels routinely distract audiences from the major implications and manifestations of a ‘story’ with.
So even if the night was logistically lacking and the film at times too naïve, Indymedia’s initial offline adventure at least reminded us why we should confront global greed in whichever way possible.
http://www.indymedia.org.uk
http://www.yomango.org/
Protestors return to Genoa for G8 trial:
http://news.independent.co.uk/europe/story.jsp?story=497312
Screening: Big Noise Tactical crew’s The Fourth World War
By Indymedia
Upstairs Bar
Ritzy Cinema, Brixton
2 March
International free news website Indymedia’s inaugural free screening did not start too well. They underestimated the interest. So we waited, hearing mumbled introductions in the interim while watching bits and pieces of continental creative thieves’ Yomango’s doc, as things were rearranged. When the film finally got started, the screen turned out to be too small for the film’s projection. So unless you had considerable knowledge of Spanish, Zulu and Korean, or could read text off people’s heads, you were made to second-guess a lot of the subtitled passages.
Yet from Argentine anti-IMF riots, protests in South Africa against the new (same as the old) regime and revolts in Mexico’s Chiapas province to the brutal suppression of Changyong demos in South Korea and Carabinieri aggression during the Genoa G8 talks –WW4’s marriage of footage, music and talking heads carried undeniable power in places. The message – a war without a distinct enemy or a logical end is being waged by the powers that be – was familiar. (Necessarily) juddery frontline camerawork interspersed with low-fi digital touches, while emotive beats from the likes of Gotan Project, Nonplace Urban Field and more politicised music from the likes of ADF added to the melee.
Footage of the Jenin massacre would appall most people with souls, though the narrators seemed unaware of the irony of juxtaposing the undeveloped occupied West Bank with the rest in what was primarily an anti-globalisation piece (it’s all struggle). Thereafter it was only a matter of time before 9/11 got its mention. Again, this was straying off the path somewhat, but only a fool would say that there were no links at all between the War on Terror and the causes and effects of western-led globalisation.
Elsewhere, the narratives (by Suheir Hammad and Spearhead’s Franti) sometimes seemed self-righteous, glib and pontificatory, adding little to what we already knew. Occasionally irrelevant words in big type flashed across the screen. Both were bad counterpoints to the effective and inspiring footage. Yet as much as the resistance movements were impressive, their resultant forced repressions left you thinking that considerably better – and militarised – organisation is necessary to beat brutal security and institutions such as the IMF and World Bank.
The Indymedia movement is in its infancy but is a viable and valid alternative to the compromised media organs obliged (either by public service broadcasting responsibilities or shareholders/owners with direct stakes in the (present) political system) to dilute the fetid schizophrenia of modern government and dress it up as kind-hearted policy that is ‘all about’ being modern and other nebulous concepts that evade ideological description.
As with most things progressive, Indymedia’s roots lie in the punk-ish DIY concept adopted by the anti-globalisation movement. This may, initially, result in a narrow news agenda and easy accusations of being over-earnest or (as the UK's foremost media molester Alistair Campbell would no doubt contend) self-righteous, but the provision and dissemination of information from non-corporate sponsored sources is absolutely vital, if only for the purposes of contrast with the slick, coiffeured, air-buffed, coverage that major news channels routinely distract audiences from the major implications and manifestations of a ‘story’ with.
So even if the night was logistically lacking and the film at times too naïve, Indymedia’s initial offline adventure at least reminded us why we should confront global greed in whichever way possible.
http://www.indymedia.org.uk
http://www.yomango.org/
Protestors return to Genoa for G8 trial:
http://news.independent.co.uk/europe/story.jsp?story=497312
