United brand David Beckham and former pop star Pish Spice held a
charity-raising (of course it’s for charity; "so you shouldn’t take
the piss then"; yes I should - every half-famous twat does charity
piss to lend themselves some gravitas) bash at their "Beckingham
Palace" a few months ago. Oblivious to the fact that not everyone
lives in a world of Heat and Hello star-fixated piss, this silly
bint sent this on to loads of her mates. Luckily, someone replied
to this drivel so we didn’t have to (see below left...)
is a verbatim transcription: Celeb-worship and basic grasp of English
obviously do not mix)
guys, I am sure you have been eagerly awaiting this email, well
now here it is! Oh what a day and night I had yesterday at Posh
& Becks party!!
picked up at 3pm and we arrived at Beckingham Palace at 3.45 pm.
Got dropped off at this big canapÈ at the back of their house, (the
outside of the house was stunning). We had to walk down this pathway
to get to the big Marquee where everyone was and they had all these
young people doing these marshal arts moves in the bushes and also
had these people dressed up as trees so if you did not >see them,
they came out at you.
we walked into the tent there he was, David Beckham. He came straight
over to us and said hello and chatted to us for a while. All I can
say is Beautiful!!! Elton (John?) was there also and Victoria was
walking around somewhere. All three of them were greeting people
as they came in and thanking them for coming to their party! David
then told us to get a drink and he would see us later (you bet we
we walked into the first marquee Louise was there with Jamie Rednapp
and we chatted for a bit as I worked with her, when she was in Eternal
and we hopefully will be working together again on her next project.
Posh’s mum was also talking with us and she was lovely. As we moved
round we went to say hello to Emma Forbes and Natalie Imbruglia
(beautiful) and chatted for a bit. There was Dwight York behind
me and the Dream Team DJs from Kiss there too together with Misteeq
and a couple of the So Solid Crew boys that they go out with. Said
hello to all of them and went to the ladies.
through to the ladies met up with Greg Rosetski and his wife and
Jamie and Jools Oliver with their baby and chatted to them for a
little bit, eventually went to the toilet and who was in there no
other than Joan Collins!! I could not go to the toilet I was so
besides myself and had a little chat with Joan which was so surreal!!
Everyone was called into dinner which was a massive marquee with
a massive stage at the end, it looked incredible which only the
pictures in OK will show as I can’t really tell you how it was.
Russell Watson was singing as we sat down. On the table was Martin
Collins and his girlfriend and sitting next to me was meant to be
Sean Bean but he did not turn up till late so he never sat down
with us (shame!!). The food was lovely and was all Japanese to go
in the theme of the night. If you want to see the menu just ask
as I have brought it back with me.
EVENTUALLY WENT TO THE TOILET AND WHO WAS IN THERE NO OTHER
THAN JOAN COLLINS! I COULD NOT GO TO THE TOILET I WAS SO BESIDE
MYSELF AND HAD A LITTLE CHAT WITH JOAN WHICH WAS SO SURREAL!"
dinner they had 4 classical violinist playing for us and a pianist.
After the main course they had Japanese artists showing us marital
arts moves and entertaining us just before dessert. David and Victoria
worked their way round the room and came over to say hello. She
wore this black number which looked like rubber but it was leather
and she is tiny. David wore this Japanese dress thing but looked
incredible in it!! Victoria was talking to use about the pregnancy
and was saying that she had to lie on the bed and squeeze into her
dress because she was pregnant and I told her that I have to do
that too and I am not even pregnant!! (you had to be there as it
was quite funny!!!)
David got up on stage and said a few words about the charity which
they were raising money for and was brilliant, he is soooo lovely
and gave a present to Victoria which she did not know about to say
thanks for organizing this party and at 6 1/2 months pregnant! Then
they showed a pledge video. After that Ant & Dec were called
up to star the auction off, then Graham Norton got up and did the
rest, he was hysterical and was brilliant at it!
all the prizes are in my little brochure which I brought home. Then
after that the football players had to leave as they were on a curfew.
Margheritta and I went around the room and met up with Graham Norton,
Ant & Dec and their partners. I spoke to Mick Hucknell as I
have worked with him in the past, Greig Rosetski and his lovely
wife we were talking to most of the night, Faye from Steps, Goldie
and a few others.
day and night was just fantastic, everywhere you looked there were
stars. I could not control myself it was just overwhelming. There
was all different mixes of dress. The men looked great as most ofthem
were in White tie and it looked really classy and the women were
all in different outfits. Black dresses, red, pink, green dresses
and I was in a White trouser suit which looked lovely and a lovely
necklass. There were a few diamond numbers but all in all everyone
looked lovely but you did not feel out of place as there were not
that many skinny models there and everyone was average. Other people
there were as follows: Greg Rosezki & Lucy, David Seamon, Nick
Faldo Mike Hucknell, Teddy Sherringham, Nicky Clarke, Dale Winton,
Gary Linaker, George Best, Dane Bowers, Ruud Hullet, David Frost,
Cilla Black, Dennis Wise, Gordon Ramsey, Lulu, Sven Erikson, Angus
Deaton, Shazney Lewis, Mahamed Al Fayed, Jodi Kidd, Des Lynam, Emma
Forbes, Lee Evens, Van Istaroy (sorry don’t know how to spell it),
Ray Winston, Boy George, Chris Eubank, Sir Geoff Hurst, Bobby Charlton,
Bob Wilson, Richard Branson, Alexander McQueen, Vivianne Westward.
And I am sure there were more, but I just can't remember, it was
just incredible!! We left about 10.00pm and picked up our goody
bags full of presents from Mac Cosmetics, Georgeo Armani, Aspreys,
Nicky Clarke, Mulberry, Shiseido, Taittinger, Bulgari, Police, Blue
Dragon, Royal Worcester, The Body Shop, Hugo Boss, Adidas and Dermalogica.
I can say is I am going to be looking and smelling great for a while!!
Came home last night and just screamed to my mum on the phone just
to let go of the excitement which I had cought up in my body all
night. One of the best nights of my life so far!! Pictures, well
I don't think I was in any of them and not sure about the TV Camera
but I am sure I will be looking out for me when it gets shown!
on WhoreCull, you’re just jealous (brain gives up…)