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If you're reading WhoreCull, then you can say "nothing gets past these..."

In our western world the Televisionaries rule, worshipping King Device of the Indolent. Their extreme sect devotes its life to full Submission to Celebrity, and wield dangerous, despotic influence of the unquestioning desert hordes. But an outlawed tribe is rising up to defeat these sofa plankton - the Cameralites.
Cameralites revere the heady mix of rhyme and reason that good Closed Circuits can bring. While also knowing that once the wide-open lens has been opened once it is very difficult to shut off, even if not set on active use. >> ± Phweep. PlÆ On. <<<<< Dear Mr Clearlie Lockedintoa-Veryprivateact, I have just arrived in the office to find Mr D Taylor sat at my desk holding court in front of a nest of vipers. God damn cameras. Cameras. Cream Cam>>> <<< Amazing how the sprinkling of just tiny cameras can remain open-lens for ages> The oppressive fog continued through computer problems; no matter as making tea was proving a long, drawn-out affair. Other Cameras include aforementioned overbearing-or-is-it need for sphincter release, just walking around now. I will attempt to shut off the Super 8's lens tonight, ahead of widescreen weekend vision Your Braintanglia PeaceCamera Johnson>> <<< The imperfect inertia of continuing camera proliferation, leading to your Taylor task today, is proof positive that cameras are, indeed, here. >>> <<<Camera-kind lights have been installed in Bury town centre to assist observation. That is very kind. Soon hydroponics will be available on the NHS. Years> ago, from the depths of a west surrey jail, you yelled, with memorable and tangible discomfort, "LENZES!!". How right you were. Where would our cameras be without proper lenses? I'll tell you, in a myopic mess looking no further than your front lawn!
Suburban cameras + home counties location = camera shy. Knicker elastic. John von der Ron >>> <<<<From the first line of an emerging markets I'm subbing: "Ingesting a miniature camera to identify problems inside a human body may sound like a lot to swallow">>> <<<I have been given the task of writing a speech on CCTV CAMERAS. Can life get any better? I need to speak to Gascoigne about this mask. Don't wear it in training but wear it during the match. Ay? Ay?>>>>
Cameralites were branded a forbidden tribe in the fallen 20th century, having to resort to elicit measures to buy their equipment and worship their Device. But the tribe's popularity just grew. Now the authorities, who had always such resisted enlightenment, are softer on campractice, cameralites will find a different lens with which to practice their holy clicking, finding Buddha at turns heavenly, funny and very confusing.


Masonic intrigue

gobsmacking Masonic-conspiracy site

The Lodge is such a fabulous organisation, as Whore Cull found out when we came about this correspondence

Dear Sir,

I have read your inquiry with interest, but your ideas will not form part of Conservative Party policy. Trouser-hiking is a secret, our ‘craft’ must be kept from the public gaze and public gays — that sort of thing is best kept behind closed doors and I know of a very heavy pair that exclude all those ignorant of the Lodge’s secrets and mysteries.

Thank you
Lionel Butteredup MP


There is nothing to deny about our pantalon participation in the police. Centuries-old cultivation of masonic practice in the key civil enforcement areas you mention makes it very hard to reveal actual evidence. Such a brilliant system. Besides, our marketing Apprentice Boys do such a great job promoting our work with our ‘niche’ charities.

There is no need for them to know where the donations have been creamed from, and senseless having unattributed huge profits open to the public gaze, they wouldn’t understand. We are enrolling some new faces this evening. A diverse bunch of directors, lawyers and a mayor from Reigate. I trust our underlings have cleaned the Stag’s head??

Martin Martingale
Lodge Secretary

Martin who is Martin,

Such is the decency of our moral hoisting and our foisting of the blame when things go wrong on to wider society, that I am tempted to get out the covenant goat for this evening’s mysterious and secret events.

I wish to build a care home for single and elderly brothers in Reigate, so it is imperative that we press this Reigate fellow into at least an apprentice position (otherwise release the Orange hounds onto his reputation and face).

Lionel de Bureaux

Clerkenwell Mason's Hall

(it calls itself something else these days but that's what it is)

Most esteemed Masonic elder

I read The Telegraph with glee this morning. Looks like the Met top brass assigned the top rank-and-file to the protesters yesterday. With their in-built prejudices and love of establishment privilege, these police proles would make fine Lodge members — if it wasn’t for their uncontrollable rages. Better off taking it out on the unwashed than anywhere near our ancient chambers. South Downs Weekly has been running respectable articles about the lack of ‘specialist’ care homes (the editor’s a pal), so your nomination, the Mayor’s signature and a slip of the relevant dossier should smooth your passage. I won’t be hanging about all night, as I have an early train to Ayrshire, where Masters Murray and Findlay await my arrival.

Clandestine regards
M Martingale


I have eliminated the competition simply by registering that I am a Freemason (everything else I told the Committee was absolute rot — it’s ok though, the non-brotherhood people present didn’t know any different and it was a respectful joke for those familiar with our mystical travails). No-one will question anything I do, ever again. See you at the Lodge this evening. Tonight’s apprentice applicants look suitably naive and well spread across the vocational spectrum — one of them is an internet ‘guru’, as I believe the ghastly expression goes.

With respect
Lionel Cedric de Bureaux

Monsieur Lionel,

A few other matters of business to attend to have swam into my purview. Rickson Jury. our esteemed brother from the US, is coming to the end of his tenure on the Non-Proliferation Trust, that sterling arms control committee, and the other representative bodies — the CIA, nuclear industry, Pentagon, etc — have suggested that it might be rather fun if they select a mason from our United Kingdom, so the Society of Lodges have to begin selecting a nominee.

Our US brethren have also told us to hurry in getting our applications for the annual ‘Worshipping The Owl’ Conference in New England. Such brilliant networking opportunities, I suggest we appropriate some funds from the usual sources to secure our delegation’s attendance...

Your thoughts on these matters are as always valuable, Martin

    Q&A: Jonathong Freedland