Jerome Septum of the Metropolitan Police Force invites you into
the psyche of the modern-day bobby
Everything is under control. Weve got it covered. We cant
be everywhere at once, but we can video-tape everyone at once. Then
actions can be assessed in the cold light of day; for any possible
motive, cause and effect, the sort of chain of events that are so
difficult to fathom when youre out there amongst it and them.
trust the judgement and ability of those in the force who
all left school at fifteen, and joined the police because the army
is too much fetching and carrying to establish
the perpetrators and victims in an incident that we cannot hear,
smell or feel. I really do trust these people with your liberty.
attitudes toward the police help no one. You should be grateful
we dont steam into those of you who parade the wacky-baccy
in front of us every six months or so. It would be too easy. Otherwise,
Chief Inspectors would be prompting minions to conduct implicit
acts of short-term encouragement among pot-heads, so that we could
create a truly visually effective spectacle for the ministers in
the home counties.
before you ask, lisping uber-chef-lad can refer to the munchies
under the gaze of the Cuban flag because hes endorsing Sainsburys.
OK? Oh, you werent even thinking of him. Still, the point
remains, get the codified balance right and youre doing our
job for us. Create the impression of rebellion whilst promoting
corporate assimilation. Branding is the step-child of iconography
and it wont let you forget it. Big Brother blood is
on all your hands and any attempt to intervene will leave fingerprints.
OK? Even if you didnt watch it, eventually youll be
beguiled by the vicarious pleasure of watching us watching you,
whatever you think of the minor celebrity doing the voice-over.
this political correctness is ridiculous and irrelevant. The final
truth is the camera, it cannot record what isnt or wasnt
there. It never lies, whether youre a bloke, a bird, a coon
or a paki, or any of these new ethnic types flooding the country.
All this argument stops us from doing our job locking up
enough people a week to keep the Chief happy. Theres nothing
to be scared of if youre law-abiding and watching television
is your second job.
my new friends, another shift approaches from yonder, er
horizon? (fucking education. Its only designed to make you
look stupid). Im looking forward to tonights installment.
Fridays are the best. You can really see how stupid people
are and how much attention they need from doing potential harm to
themselves and others. Trawling through their faces you can practically
pick who should be arrested. You love your intoxicated escapism
dont you? Everybodys a troublemaker once they get into
a group. Thats whats so good about CCTV, you can select
your victims ahem, arrest targets with the
minimum of physical fuss. Sometimes, I dont want to go home:
there are so many people to keep an eye on and I dont trust
the bloke who comes on after me.
theres nothing to be scared of. Just be careful. We can, at
last, be everywhere at once, to record your every move you make
outside your front door and replay it to you when you get indoors.
Everybodys committed a crime, or is going to, so my advice
to you is to keep it indoors, for now.
in isolation or dont live at all. The risk to
your personal safety is too great. All outdoor lives are criminal.