AN INTERCEPTED EMAIL...
to show this kind of corporate mutual masturbation actually happens,
this was culled from an internal work email. We've sworn all over
it... '5:15 pm at the noisy end', it went on to say. Dwads.
14:56 09/08/00 +0100, director@logitech--- wrote
Just come off the phone to Frankfurt (God those bastards never give
up do they?) and theres no let up on the pressurising of the
deadline prerogative. Our bespoke package has been accepted and
weve gotta go over there to present it to Wolf and the guys
better be with me on this one Keith. I expect more support than
I got in Jakarta 94. Remember that? Youd do well to,
otherwise Ill have to remind you of the hospital bill for
the removal of that bottle. Karl in accounts took some persuasion
to gloss over that one. You owe me and dont forget it.
a lighter note, Patience and the kids would love you and Pam to
come over to our humble domicile next Sunday. Itinerary: church
10pm (local Rev is a lovely guy, if a bit red). Drinks 11.30-12.30
on the lawn at Bullrush Towers. Lunch 12.30-2.00, dining room, Bullrush
Towers. 2.15 you go home. Hope thats satisfactory. Patience
has been bothering me for a month now about seeing your Pam. Im
beginning to suspect that either she or both of them are dykes.
Malc, this is a turn-up for the books and no mistake! First you
tell me my arse is on the line (not literally, like in Jakarta)
because Frankfurt wants a piece of yours, then youve got the
front to ask me along to your matinee bash in Amersham, and accuse
my Pammy of being a blouse-lifter! The cheek of it...
course Ill come Sir
and Ill bring my camcorder
just in case, eh?
and Ill have that package ready for detonating by Friday AM,
you can count on it....
yours, The Pogster
15:56 09/08/00 +0100, director@logitech--- wrote:
work Poggy, good work. Best set the timer for PM, we dont
want to be in there when that mother goes off! I cant wait
to see that Baumkopf bastard splashed all over the boardroom. Thatll
teach Fritz for trying to work longer hours than us, I might be
able to get out of the office before 10pm, after weve successfully
removed the Teutonic equation.
about Pammy being nancy. Shes not. Neither is Patience. I
did the bitch last night to make sure, heh-heh.
Farland wants us in the boardroom at 8.30 sharp on monders, so dont
get too pissed on Sunday. I wont be drinking [even the
typeface cringes at such a denial of clearly ingrained habit and
already at critical)
expect to see the Krauts running for cover, Mal, they may all be
efficient but they just dont add value to the eurozone portfolio.
After our Dresden, those guys can go ponder a return
to the shop floor where they belong and we can get on with beefing
up our presence in the German new issue market. Theres a niche,
and Logitech UK can fill it!
drinking at your own do Mal? Ive heard those promises before!
You might as well have a few, because you know your limits, especially
after what the doctor said. What say you, noble manager compadre,
to 18 holes on Monday, after Fathead Farlands fallen over
himself in praising our, sorry the teams, work?
try to reply asap Malco, my time is money
17:33 09/08/00 +0100, director@logitech--- wrote:
me correct you there Poggers, I dont play 18 holes, a rounds
not complete until youve defeated the 19th hole, which I always
do. Do you still want to play?
shop floor status for Juergen and co will certainly lead to some
sour krauts. If I was their manager Id give them
a Dresden-down every morning, sort of Jap workers meets Jean-Claude
Van Damme. Chasing Solutions will be the name soon.
tell me how to use your time, its there for me to use as I
8:25 13/08/00 +0100, sales@logitech--- wrote:
Malc, Im 43 and I feel 73 this morning. And the bleedin
Vectra wouldnt start, I felt such a fool taking the wifes
Clio. At least I can send it straight to the grease monkeys on the
estate and Logitech will pay for it. I should definitely cut down
on the pop, and your Patience can knock it back as well. What were
she and the reverend up to with my camcorder?
go blitz fathead Farland with those German products, then Ill
give you my own tour of duty around the fairway. I fancy
nine holes and an early refresher at the, err, 10th.
What say you, Director for Europe?
8:47 13/08/00 +0100, director@logitech--- wrote:
case of sending email to wrong person)
to circumstances, Logitech International Ltd would like
to take this opportunity to terminate your contract. Reasons are
given below and let me just say that you wont be missed by
anyone I know.
refusal to make hot drinks on demand.
that, as Executive Field Sales Manager for the Reading/Thames Valley
region, you are exempt from making the tea. You are female.
to accept the occasional grope from male colleagues.
Labour (New or not, those guys are no good for business this
is advice, accept it if you want to get where I am).
much to say for yourself.
Chasing, European Divisional Sales Director
9:12 13/08/00 +0100, sales@logitech--- wrote:
Youve sent the wrong email, mate, what a serious loss of form
for Chief Chasing. Still, Im glad youre firing the stuffy
bitch. What was she doing talking about unions the other day in
Wetherspoons? This isnt the 1970s, love.
least "Ms Keen" will have seen that flashing dismissed
window we told IT to post on her and the other lesbians PCs
last week. Glad they wont be polluting the kitchen with their
herbal teas anymore either.
you want a hand on the recruitment side next time boss? Im
giving some Frog clients the Pogson pitch this morning: more products,
more opportunities thats the way I see it. But I can
cut through Bracknell and meet you on the fairway for about 2pm.
to go, Im up to my eyeballs. Keith
10:20 13/08/00 +0100, director@logitech--- wrote:
Pogs, I appreciate the offer of assistance on the HR front, Ill
have to take you up on that, as I just sacked that damn fool secretary
this morning. Bit of a hangover and she put too much sugar in my
coffee. Sorry love, youve got to go. I think youre familiar
with the procedure old friend.
the way, next time you put Costigan from Leeds through, tell him
my brother was in Yorkshire at the weekend and that he punched seven
of them. Oh, basically, theyre all poofs.
I hear Karl Howman is doing some Pro-am celebrity thing at the golf
club tonight, for the Eczema Awareness charity. Itd be good
to chat to him. I admired his performance in Brush Strokes
11:50 13/08/00 +0100, sales@logitech--- wrote:
news of the dyke dismissals has been circulating in Sales, but the
girls here loved it! They cant see the point of staff rights
when theres promotions to be had. That little Jenny Noble
knows the score, were going to talk about her chances
in TGI Fridays, on Friday lunchtime, ha-ha!
f**k that, Ive used my silver tongue to good effect again
(not on Jenny, not yet anyway), Ive told Monsieur Metriques
that theres no point in going piecemeal on this, if you want
to be dressed in Logitech kit you buy into the whole damn wardrobe.
Theyre just video-conferencing with Le Grande Fromage in the
boardroom now, but were looking at another British invasion,
Mal, just as it should be....
I filled up the missus Clio, cant get to the petrol
station these days for bloody prole protests. Have they tried working
in a civilised office?
day, another deal: Cool Keith
12:30 13/08/00 +0100, sales@logitech--- wrote:
to slip into a meeting with the guys from Rational Systems, so see
you on the course Pogs.
Those Rational Systems blokes all wear the same company ties. I
feel an idea forming for the Monday brain storm....