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"As long as we can rock, we will"
Rick Parfitt, Status Quo, on Channel 4's 1977 programme

Er NO! You can't just 'rock'. Unless it has some measure of innovation, you're just playing from a tried and tested FORMULA, which mimicked other people's in the first place. Literally, playing from memory, and playing on the punter's memories.

THAT'S COMFORT ROCK. It has nothing to do with 'rocking it', and stop trying to coset yourself in your 70s-aryan-celebratory-western-capitalist-belle epoque too (Pung rocgg's no different now, mind)

Clones in a fight? Separate them
with new
Amica-gas.

CONVERSATION
AN INTERCEPTED EMAIL...

Just to show this kind of corporate mutual masturbation actually happens, this was culled from an internal work email. We've sworn all over it... '5:15 pm at the noisy end', it went on to say. Dwads.

At 14:56 09/08/00 +0100, director@logitech--- wrote

Keith, Just come off the phone to Frankfurt (God those bastards never give up do they?) and there’s no let up on the pressurising of the deadline prerogative. Our bespoke package has been accepted and we’ve gotta go over there to present it to Wolf and the guys next week.

You’d better be with me on this one Keith. I expect more support than I got in Jakarta ‘94. Remember that? You’d do well to, otherwise I’ll have to remind you of the hospital bill for the removal of that bottle. Karl in accounts took some persuasion to gloss over that one. You owe me and don’t forget it.

On a lighter note, Patience and the kids would love you and Pam to come over to our humble domicile next Sunday. Itinerary: church 10pm (local Rev is a lovely guy, if a bit red). Drinks 11.30-12.30 on the lawn at Bullrush Towers. Lunch 12.30-2.00, dining room, Bullrush Towers. 2.15 you go home. Hope that’s satisfactory. Patience has been bothering me for a month now about seeing your Pam. I’m beginning to suspect that either she or both of them are dykes.

Regards, Malcolm Chasing


From: sales@logitech---

Well Malc, this is a turn-up for the books and no mistake! First you tell me my arse is on the line (not literally, like in Jakarta) because Frankfurt wants a piece of yours, then you’ve got the front to ask me along to your matinee bash in Amersham, and accuse my Pammy of being a blouse-lifter! The cheek of it...

......Of course I’ll come Sir…and I’ll bring my camcorder just in case, eh?

Oh and I’ll have that package ready for detonating by Friday AM, you can count on it....

Slavishly yours, The Pogster


At 15:56 09/08/00 +0100, director@logitech--- wrote:

Good work Poggy, good work. Best set the timer for PM, we don’t want to be in there when that mother goes off! I can’t wait to see that Baumkopf bastard splashed all over the boardroom. That’ll teach Fritz for trying to work longer hours than us, I might be able to get out of the office before 10pm, after we’ve successfully removed the Teutonic equation.

Sorry about Pammy being nancy. She’s not. Neither is Patience. I did the bitch last night to make sure, heh-heh.

Yeah, Farland wants us in the boardroom at 8.30 sharp on monders, so don’t get too pissed on Sunday. I won’t be drinking [even the typeface cringes at such a denial of clearly ingrained habit and consequent addiction].

Chat soon, Malco


From: sales@logitech---

(racism already at critical)

I fully expect to see the Krauts running for cover, Mal, they may all be efficient but they just don’t add value to the eurozone portfolio. After our ‘Dresden’, those guys can go ponder a return to the shop floor where they belong and we can get on with beefing up our presence in the German new issue market. There’s a niche, and Logitech UK can fill it!

Not drinking at your own do Mal? I’ve heard those promises before! You might as well have a few, because you know your limits, especially after what the doctor said. What say you, noble manager compadre, to 18 holes on Monday, after Fathead Farland’s fallen over himself in praising our, sorry the team’s, work?

Do try to reply asap Malco, my time is money

At 17:33 09/08/00 +0100, director@logitech--- wrote:

Let me correct you there Poggers, I don’t play 18 holes, a round’s not complete until you’ve defeated the 19th hole, which I always do. Do you still want to ‘play’?

Yeah, shop floor status for Juergen and co will certainly lead to some sour ‘krauts’. If I was their manager I’d give them a Dresden-down every morning, sort of Jap workers meets Jean-Claude Van Damme. Chasing Solutions will be the name soon.

Don’t tell me how to use your time, it’s there for me to use as I see fit.

(Always) Chasing-Profit


At 8:25 13/08/00 +0100, sales@logitech--- wrote:

Christ Malc, I’m 43 and I feel 73 this morning. And the bleedin’ Vectra wouldn’t start, I felt such a fool taking the wife’s Clio. At least I can send it straight to the grease monkeys on the estate and Logitech will pay for it. I should definitely cut down on the pop, and your Patience can knock it back as well. What were she and the reverend up to with my camcorder?

Anyway, go blitz fathead Farland with those German products, then I’ll give you my own ‘tour of duty’ around the fairway. I fancy nine holes and an early ‘refresher’ at the, err, ‘10th’. What say you, Director for Europe?


At 8:47 13/08/00 +0100, director@logitech--- wrote:

(Obvious case of sending email to wrong person)
Sarah,

Due to ‘circumstances’, Logitech International Ltd would like to take this opportunity to terminate your contract. Reasons are given below and let me just say that you won’t be missed by anyone I know.

*Consistent refusal to make hot drinks on demand.

*Belief that, as Executive Field Sales Manager for the Reading/Thames Valley region, you are exempt from making the tea. You are female.

*Inability to accept the occasional grope from male colleagues.

*Over-reacting.

*Voting Labour (New or not, those guys are no good for business — this is advice, accept it if you want to get where I am).

*Too much to say for yourself.

Regards

Malcolm Chasing, European Divisional Sales Director


At 9:12 13/08/00 +0100, sales@logitech--- wrote:

Malco! You’ve sent the wrong email, mate, what a serious loss of form for Chief Chasing. Still, I’m glad you’re firing the stuffy bitch. What was she doing talking about unions the other day in Wetherspoon’s? This isn’t the 1970s, love.

At least "Ms Keen" will have seen that flashing ‘dismissed’ window we told IT to post on her and the other lesbians’ PCs last week. Glad they won’t be polluting the kitchen with their herbal teas anymore either.

Do you want a hand on the recruitment side next time boss? I’m giving some Frog clients the Pogson pitch this morning: more products, more opportunities — that’s the way I see it. But I can cut through Bracknell and meet you on the fairway for about 2pm.

Got to go, I’m up to my eyeballs. Keith


At 10:20 13/08/00 +0100, director@logitech--- wrote:

Yuh, Pogs, I appreciate the offer of assistance on the HR front, I’ll have to take you up on that, as I just sacked that damn fool secretary this morning. Bit of a hangover and she put too much sugar in my coffee. Sorry love, you’ve got to go. I think you’re familiar with the procedure old friend.

By the way, next time you put Costigan from Leeds through, tell him my brother was in Yorkshire at the weekend and that he punched seven of them. Oh, basically, they’re all poofs.

Mal

PS. I hear Karl Howman is doing some Pro-am celebrity thing at the golf club tonight, for the Eczema Awareness charity. It’d be good to chat to him. I admired his performance in Brush Strokes


At 11:50 13/08/00 +0100, sales@logitech--- wrote:

Malcolm, news of the dyke dismissals has been circulating in Sales, but the girls here loved it! They can’t see the point of staff rights when there’s promotions to be had. That little Jenny Noble knows the score, we’re going to talk about her ‘chances’ in TGI Friday’s, on Friday lunchtime, ha-ha!

But f**k that, I’ve used my silver tongue to good effect again (not on Jenny, not yet anyway), I’ve told Monsieur Metriques that there’s no point in going piecemeal on this, if you want to be dressed in Logitech kit you buy into the whole damn wardrobe. They’re just video-conferencing with Le Grande Fromage in the boardroom now, but we’re looking at another British invasion, Mal, just as it should be....

Glad I filled up the missus’ Clio, can’t get to the petrol station these days for bloody prole protests. Have they tried working in a civilised office?

Another day, another deal: Cool Keith

At 12:30 13/08/00 +0100, sales@logitech--- wrote:

Got to slip into a meeting with the guys from Rational Systems, so see you on the course Pogs.

Mal

PS Those Rational Systems blokes all wear the same company ties. I feel an idea forming for the Monday brain storm....

        Party parasites and corporate clubbers