Friday, January 27, 2006 [Article retained for posterity]
*Not the real* BEYOND THE IMPLODE SIGNS TO CINESTATIC!
READERS,
As you know, blogging has become a SERIOUS BUSINESS. What may have begun as a handful of amateurs like BLISSBLOG and ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK, messing around posting poems about ACID HOUSE, has now become a multi-billion dollar industry - an industry set to BOOM as bloggers around the world (except in China) board the gravy train to PROFESSIONAL DOODLEVILLE.
Beyond the Implode recognises the need to move with the times, and to expand its cache of eye-screen interfacing clients. And so, the blog has signed an agreement with CINESTATIC, creating a new host site, in order to fend off hostile takeover bids from 'spam cunts' CASINO WEB
A spokesperson for Cinestatic has commented, "The presence of BEYOND THE IMPLODE will add some much-needed theoretical clout to our online portfolio, in comparison to some of our more frivolous blogs, like INFINITE FRIPPERY and EFFAY CUP".
BTi OFFICIAL RESPONSE
"I am delighted to be working with Cinestatic, having followed its development since 1999, and have noted with great interest the synergies between us. This success won't go to my head."
*********************
Some may call it "a bold new era" for the blogosphere. But what does the BTi (TM) - Cinestatic merger REALLY mean? To provide its readers with a more DYNAMIC and exciting service, it means
* Extra comment box moderation facilities - enabling swift and efficient deletion of all but the most sycophantic of comments
* Less mentions of sex and swearing - unfortunately, Cinestatic is read by a few 'women' and, as we all know, these sacred apes of Benares don't appreciate vulgarity and mention of 'chicks' - unless we're talking apparat chicks of course!
* More in-depth analysis at a rational level
And * COMPETITIONS
Actually, it means everyone has to change their links for the 4th time in 20 months. Or don't bother. It'll be here from now on, apparently
http://www.cinestatic.com/beyond_the_implode
Unless they kick me out for calling Marx a wanker, in which case I'll see you all back here.
As you know, blogging has become a SERIOUS BUSINESS. What may have begun as a handful of amateurs like BLISSBLOG and ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK, messing around posting poems about ACID HOUSE, has now become a multi-billion dollar industry - an industry set to BOOM as bloggers around the world (except in China) board the gravy train to PROFESSIONAL DOODLEVILLE.
Beyond the Implode recognises the need to move with the times, and to expand its cache of eye-screen interfacing clients. And so, the blog has signed an agreement with CINESTATIC, creating a new host site, in order to fend off hostile takeover bids from 'spam cunts' CASINO WEB
A spokesperson for Cinestatic has commented, "The presence of BEYOND THE IMPLODE will add some much-needed theoretical clout to our online portfolio, in comparison to some of our more frivolous blogs, like INFINITE FRIPPERY and EFFAY CUP".
BTi OFFICIAL RESPONSE
"I am delighted to be working with Cinestatic, having followed its development since 1999, and have noted with great interest the synergies between us. This success won't go to my head."
*********************
Some may call it "a bold new era" for the blogosphere. But what does the BTi (TM) - Cinestatic merger REALLY mean? To provide its readers with a more DYNAMIC and exciting service, it means
* Extra comment box moderation facilities - enabling swift and efficient deletion of all but the most sycophantic of comments
* Less mentions of sex and swearing - unfortunately, Cinestatic is read by a few 'women' and, as we all know, these sacred apes of Benares don't appreciate vulgarity and mention of 'chicks' - unless we're talking apparat chicks of course!
* More in-depth analysis at a rational level
And * COMPETITIONS
Actually, it means everyone has to change their links for the 4th time in 20 months. Or don't bother. It'll be here from now on, apparently
http://www.cinestatic.com/beyond_the_implode
Unless they kick me out for calling Marx a wanker, in which case I'll see you all back here.
# posted by Martin : 2:47 AM
[ psychbloke 28/01/2006 15:33:29 :: web]
[ Martin 29/01/2006 05:17:16]
[ Martin 29/01/2006 05:18:23]
[ Mike 29/01/2006 16:25:29]
[ infinite thought 29/01/2006 22:50:31]
[ johneffay 30/01/2006 01:14:31 :: web]
[ Martin 30/01/2006 02:23:38]
[ Mike 30/01/2006 03:27:05 :: web]
[ psychbloke 30/01/2006 03:39:39 :: web]
[ Martin 30/01/2006 04:07:32]
[ bruce 30/01/2006 04:35:31]
[ Martin 30/01/2006 04:58:45]
[ John 30/01/2006 14:37:45 :: web]
[ infinite thought 30/01/2006 17:36:52]
[ Mike 30/01/2006 20:05:18]
[ Muzz 30/01/2006 20:26:22 :: web]
[ johneffay 30/01/2006 20:55:35 :: web]
[ martin 30/01/2006 21:34:14]
[ John 30/01/2006 22:00:59 :: web]
[ Mike 31/01/2006 01:05:53]
[ psychbloke 31/01/2006 02:28:22 :: web]
[ martin 31/01/2006 13:21:43]
[ martin 31/01/2006 13:28:44]
[ martin 31/01/2006 15:36:16]
[ John 31/01/2006 15:44:34 :: web]
[ infinite thought 31/01/2006 16:23:39]
[ 22/05/2006 09:04:49]
Care to comment?
Martin
The strongest bars are those you cannot see...
Cinetastic ARE the casino pirates
Yer revolution won't come via yer poncey Lahndan intelligentsia...
Stick with blogspot
If there is hope, it lies with the proles.....
The strongest bars are those you cannot see...
Cinetastic ARE the casino pirates
Yer revolution won't come via yer poncey Lahndan intelligentsia...
Stick with blogspot
If there is hope, it lies with the proles.....
[ psychbloke 28/01/2006 15:33:29 :: web]
These comment boxes are disgusting!! What the hell's this about...
[ Martin 29/01/2006 05:17:16]
They're so vulgar, like a fishwife showing off her new thong. This is an obscenity, I demand closure
[ Martin 29/01/2006 05:18:23]
Get back in your cell, number 14.
[ Mike 29/01/2006 16:25:29]
heh, wikked! Of course in about twenty seconds you'll get roundly abused by some psychotic americans looking for philosophy blogs to 'attack'...but, er, nice to you see you, sir.
In other news, I have formally decided that all violence is to be abhored and avoided at all costs, which means that we can never meet again in 'real life', martin, if indeed that is your real name.
In other news, I have formally decided that all violence is to be abhored and avoided at all costs, which means that we can never meet again in 'real life', martin, if indeed that is your real name.
[ infinite thought 29/01/2006 22:50:31]
Is it just me, or can you only get to the comments via the main link, rather than the 'Comments Box' on the Cinestatic Front Page?
Oh, and don't listen to Psychbloke: He's only miffed that he got caught on camera by the News of the World's Fake Sheik, offering us up to Casino Web ('I'll make the phonecall to effay myself: I'll tell him I've got a rare Hawkwind bootleg and a pair of Jhonn Balance's y-fronts, and then he'll do anything we ask'). Now we won't let him join.
Oh, and don't listen to Psychbloke: He's only miffed that he got caught on camera by the News of the World's Fake Sheik, offering us up to Casino Web ('I'll make the phonecall to effay myself: I'll tell him I've got a rare Hawkwind bootleg and a pair of Jhonn Balance's y-fronts, and then he'll do anything we ask'). Now we won't let him join.
[ johneffay 30/01/2006 01:14:31 :: web]
I'm afraid that due to irreconciable differences over the design of the comments boxes, the merger between Cinestatic and BTi must unfortunately come to an end.
Psychbloke's right - this isn't me. Not one shred of theory has ever settled in my head ; I can never remember whether Schopenhauer was thinker, composer or ale ; 'Phil Spector's spectre vs Garvey's ghost' is more my banal, juvenile style. John - the novelty of yet another post about nazis and rollerskates will wear off. And sweet Nina, the youngest doctor in the Docks, I simply cannot DJ to save my life, thus finally sinking my only possible contribution to Cinestatic.
Today, I sat and nearly wept, as I imagined Psychbloke on his humble blogspot. com pitch, Loki tapping away in his smokey cottage, Ritual Landscape spazzing out a mere couple of miles from my flat. "When Will I See You Again" keeps popping into my head, as I imagine Psychbloke and his clever, attractive wife and how happy he is - and how now, sitting in this ivory tower with some of the most gallant thinkers in the UK, I feel so lonesome and despondent. I've waved my hobby horse around like a despot. Added to the fact it's the Chinese Year of the Dog, which is fucking bad news for us Dragons, I feel that this move is only bound to result in blood and tears.
Anyway, tried to switch it back to blogspot but have now completely fucked up my publishing settings. And so I implore the long-suffering MIKE, who I so cruelly forced to set up this account for me, to come to my aid and release me, to return safely to my http://seagullscreamingkillherkillher.blogspot.com, so that we all may learn from this admittedly very convoluted and unconvincing episode, and to move on to play our own parts in hastening capital's fall.
Psychbloke's right - this isn't me. Not one shred of theory has ever settled in my head ; I can never remember whether Schopenhauer was thinker, composer or ale ; 'Phil Spector's spectre vs Garvey's ghost' is more my banal, juvenile style. John - the novelty of yet another post about nazis and rollerskates will wear off. And sweet Nina, the youngest doctor in the Docks, I simply cannot DJ to save my life, thus finally sinking my only possible contribution to Cinestatic.
Today, I sat and nearly wept, as I imagined Psychbloke on his humble blogspot. com pitch, Loki tapping away in his smokey cottage, Ritual Landscape spazzing out a mere couple of miles from my flat. "When Will I See You Again" keeps popping into my head, as I imagine Psychbloke and his clever, attractive wife and how happy he is - and how now, sitting in this ivory tower with some of the most gallant thinkers in the UK, I feel so lonesome and despondent. I've waved my hobby horse around like a despot. Added to the fact it's the Chinese Year of the Dog, which is fucking bad news for us Dragons, I feel that this move is only bound to result in blood and tears.
Anyway, tried to switch it back to blogspot but have now completely fucked up my publishing settings. And so I implore the long-suffering MIKE, who I so cruelly forced to set up this account for me, to come to my aid and release me, to return safely to my http://seagullscreamingkillherkillher.blogspot.com, so that we all may learn from this admittedly very convoluted and unconvincing episode, and to move on to play our own parts in hastening capital's fall.
[ Martin 30/01/2006 02:23:38]
Christ - you take someone in as a refugee and they start bitching about the wallpaper... I know these boxes lack the splendour of, for example. mark boulton's, but you know - this site is just a hobby of mine that I do in my (rare) spare time.
It may surprise you to find that the stylesheet is not carved from a stone tablet, but can easily be 'edited', allowing the look of the page to 'change'. Although the idea of change seems to be a frightening concept to some people.
This could have been a nice addition. But now I'm annoyed and tired, so you're just gonna have to think of another subdomain name.
It may surprise you to find that the stylesheet is not carved from a stone tablet, but can easily be 'edited', allowing the look of the page to 'change'. Although the idea of change seems to be a frightening concept to some people.
This could have been a nice addition. But now I'm annoyed and tired, so you're just gonna have to think of another subdomain name.
[ Mike 30/01/2006 03:27:05 :: web]
ooooops......
[ psychbloke 30/01/2006 03:39:39 :: web]
Look at it this way - say you said to me you wanted to take a cardboard partition and create a 'sub-room' in my flat. Then when you turned up, you decided at the last minute you didn't want to - that would be cool by me. I don't know who Mark Bouldon is but I doubt his comments boxes would suit me either, but anyway, I think Psychbloke's roundly to blame for this (PS- oh go on. I'll buy you a drink if you stick me back on my home turf)
[ Martin 30/01/2006 04:07:32]
Martin, your staying on cinestatic would simply mean I find out much more quickly when you've posted something. The idea that you'd have to modify your output in any way is crazy. A mutually beneficial alliance bites the dust -- say it ain't so.
[ bruce 30/01/2006 04:35:31]
I think I've already made a spectacle of myself, Bruce. What can I say - I actually blame Nina IT. She should have warned Mike this might happen. I'm not joking here - I'm really freaked out by this all.
[ Martin 30/01/2006 04:58:45]
Wedding night jitters, Martin? :-)
[ John 30/01/2006 14:37:45 :: web]
eh? freaked out by what? I'm slightly confused - and what do I get the blame for? Thought yr being on cinestatic would avoid your entire blog being eaten up by some evil casino scam - a good idea, surely..?!
As if the blogs on Cinestatic are like all that anyway - effay hardly ever writes about philosophy, despite being a proper Dr, my blog is just a deeply silly waste of mine and everyone else's time and the others (when they've been updated) are hardly intellectually intimidating (and now everyone hates me, yeah!).
Hmmm.
As if the blogs on Cinestatic are like all that anyway - effay hardly ever writes about philosophy, despite being a proper Dr, my blog is just a deeply silly waste of mine and everyone else's time and the others (when they've been updated) are hardly intellectually intimidating (and now everyone hates me, yeah!).
Hmmm.
[ infinite thought 30/01/2006 17:36:52]
Hear hear, Nina. It's just meant to be honest writings. There is no manifesto (unless you count http://www.cinestatic.com/help).
I hate these comment boxes too, I just don't have time to redesign them. But look at Sweet Effay - his boxes have ALWAYS looked horrible - he never complained..
I have no idea what the problem is anyway - the colours? The shape? The lack of organisation in the CSS file? The fact it doesn't validate? The lack of AJAX..?
I hate these comment boxes too, I just don't have time to redesign them. But look at Sweet Effay - his boxes have ALWAYS looked horrible - he never complained..
I have no idea what the problem is anyway - the colours? The shape? The lack of organisation in the CSS file? The fact it doesn't validate? The lack of AJAX..?
[ Mike 30/01/2006 20:05:18]
The Vinyl Solution post reminds of the time one bloke at the Berwick St Exchange prompted me if I knew my address as I was about to write it, contemptible twat..
A green and brown comments box colour scheme could conjure up thoughts of cords and acid jazz but actually looks fine, and to my understanding it never mattered whether you were on blogspot, blogger or whatever to connect to Research.asp. It does remind that we have to update the image and content of Culls' connecting blogs.
Welcome BtI, and stay Cinestatic!
A green and brown comments box colour scheme could conjure up thoughts of cords and acid jazz but actually looks fine, and to my understanding it never mattered whether you were on blogspot, blogger or whatever to connect to Research.asp. It does remind that we have to update the image and content of Culls' connecting blogs.
Welcome BtI, and stay Cinestatic!
[ Muzz 30/01/2006 20:26:22 :: web]
But look at Sweet Effay - his boxes have ALWAYS looked horrible - he never complained..
That's because they're a match for the disgusting bog standard template I use...
Actually, I'm just grateful I can read the comments without having to open another window to get at them.
That's because they're a match for the disgusting bog standard template I use...
Actually, I'm just grateful I can read the comments without having to open another window to get at them.
[ johneffay 30/01/2006 20:55:35 :: web]
No no no, my dislike of the comments boxes comes from the fact they're TOO FLASH and GOOD LOOKING. I crave zen minimalism - the only exception to this guiding principle is the fact that the blog is decorated in the colours of the immensely unsuccessful North London football team, Barnet FC. This is because I feel that the notorious early 80s cup game against Bristol Rovers (where Barnet fans were so angered at being preventing from having a fight with the Rovers fans, they set their own stands on fire in protest and hurled washing machines and hoovers down from the flats ((the ground's in the middle of a council estate)) at the police) is a powerful metaphor for frustration and desire, as well as a critique of the fickle nature of consumerism (it's worth noting that Barnet was the first team to ever experiment with 'sex magick', though with negligible consequences - they still sucked afterwards).
In other words, I feel humiliated by the comments boxes' omnipresence and therefore nobody should be giving a fig about design, I think Mark Boulton's look repulsive, oh, and I was really really bored and fancied an argument. But I've seriously fucked up all the publishing settings. Apologies.
In other words, I feel humiliated by the comments boxes' omnipresence and therefore nobody should be giving a fig about design, I think Mark Boulton's look repulsive, oh, and I was really really bored and fancied an argument. But I've seriously fucked up all the publishing settings. Apologies.
[ martin 30/01/2006 21:34:14]
So what you're essentially saying is that the meat slices are bigger than the bread slices, and that you can't be expect to make sandwiches like that? I see...
[ John 30/01/2006 22:00:59 :: web]
Hmm, well it looks like reconnecting to seagullscreamingkillherkillher.blogspot.com is beyond my powers - I suggest an email to blogger support stating your case.
Or you could just overcome this bizarre anti-design fascism and stick around.
Or you could just overcome this bizarre anti-design fascism and stick around.
[ Mike 31/01/2006 01:05:53]
Yeah..... don't think you can just stroll back into your old room matey.... we've set up the Scalextric now, and it's handy to have somewhere to keep the ironing board......
[ psychbloke 31/01/2006 02:28:22 :: web]
Blogger? I'd rather email Nick Griffin, anyway, this is what I'm trying to tell you, I can't post anywhere! I'm in a blog limbo. Like that bit in Superman 2 when he's in the iceberg but is too weak to punch his way out cos Terence Stamp's zapped his powers
[ martin 31/01/2006 13:21:43]
Oh, for my Cinestatic page pic, can I please have two horses having sex and the logo to be 'Acidhausen ist nicht tot'
[ martin 31/01/2006 13:28:44]
Right, I'm naffing off, none of you can accomodate my diva-like demands and I refuse to put up with these comments boxes. BUT in recognition of your generosity of spirit, and the fact that I like you, I will carry the CINESTATIC link on seagullscreamingkillherkillher.blogspot.com. Also partly cos, I don't know how this has happened, but it's stuck there anyway. Ta ra!
[ martin 31/01/2006 15:36:16]
Beyond The Implode - "doesn't do stairs"
[ John 31/01/2006 15:44:34 :: web]
Martin, stop being all Maria Callas...
[ infinite thought 31/01/2006 16:23:39]
Hey CUNT how can you sell something with a name that you ripped off from a band? surely it's not yours to sell? CUNT
[ 22/05/2006 09:04:49]
Care to comment? 
